Stuck

For some reason, I can’t explain
That’s when I ruled the world

Scratch that
I just typed Coldplay lyrics after 13 minutes of staring at the white blank page to gain some writing momentum. Why am I stuck?
For some reason, I can’t explain.

Scratch that. Starting again

Googled the definition of being stuck
Found some synonyms that trigger anxiety.
Since you’re here, let's share Anxiety
Trapped, Glued, Cling, Linger, Stationary, Parked, Motionless,
Grammarly irritated me with red lines so I just corrected them all. Anxiety reduced momentarily. Why am I stuck?

Scratch that. Starting again

Momentum gained now. Deep breathing helps
Where did the last ten years fly away? Such a shame I didn’t do what I wanted
Why brood about it when I can do it now?
You don’t understand! There is a difference between being a 17-year-old writer and a 27-year-old writer.
Is that why am I stuck?

Scratch that. Starting again

Did they get stuck? How did the Greats do it? Not a secret
They just kept doing it anyway. Action, Execute, Implementing, Delivering
I started when I was a kid but pursued something else for the last 12 years.
Trust me, Gladwell. I would have finished my 10,000 hours if only...
Where am I stuck? Why does it tear me apart?
I just want to view the sky full of stars with no other internal distraction. Why am I stuck? Is it because I am participating in THE race?

Scratch that. Starting again. Changing playlist to Japanese so that it won’t influence my words

Will Shinkai be as good as Miyazaki?
Did they think of results? Second-guessing their efforts while in progress
Can I blame myself for not living in the Temperate zone that reduces laziness?
Rocky said blaming others is what cowards do. I’m not a coward. I am writing this piece of ridiculous prose. Isn’t that proof enough? So why am I stuck?

Scratch that. Starting again

Fear or love baby don’t tell the answer
Self-inflicting benchmarks as tall as Oars when I didn’t reach Gear Second
Why am I stuck? Do you know?
Did I sober up too much in the pursuit of maturity and wisdom? Let me check my Twitter

Great Scott, this is heavy. Please make a time machine so that I can SLAP my 2015 self
I envy that naivety though
The audacity to post something so wrong, surely no fear there. I wasn’t stuck then. Why am I stuck now?

Scratch some of that. Starting again from,

“Did I sober up too much in the pursuit of maturity and wisdom?”
Why am I remembering the auto ride from Pranava the school, Banjara Hills to Prasads Imax in 2007
I had tears in my eyes as we were on our way to watch Pursuit of Happyness
Will Smith was stuck but he got out of it.
I didn’t know I’d be playing the role of a shipwrecked brother seeking footprints in the sands of time to take heart again.

I just read whatever I wrote so far. Am I even stuck?

Scratch that. Starting again.

Did you ever feel shallow for feeling something?
Jealousy, Fear of missing out, Procrastinating, Comparision,
I hate Naval Ravikant for not letting me enjoy the above feelings in peace
Just when my heart triggers those beautiful human feelings
I remember Ravikant asking, would you swap your entire life with the ones who you compare with? the ones who you feel jealous of?
Obviously not! Will you?

Is knowledge a blessing or a curse?
Is wisdom a blessing or a curse?
Is intelligence a blessing or a curse?
Is experience a blessing or a curse?

Not that I have enough of those resources. Greed for such resources is it a good thing or a bad thing? I wonder what Buddha would say
But why Buddha? The Happiest person I know is Luffy
His pursuit is for freedom. Or maybe not? Oda Sensei would let us know before the end of this decade, I hope.

Picked up my phone and lost my marvelous train of thought. Why am I stuck?

Scratch that. Starting again

What do you think of Desire?
Often blamed as the root cause of misery. From Buddha to Vivekananda and Krishnamurthy, everyone said desire causes misery.
Krishnamurthy says life is misery.
While my brain might want to conform to the beliefs of such “great men”
My heart wants me to type: Zzzzz

Lack of desire makes me lazy. Makes me do nothing.
This brings us to the beginning of this prose where you were kind enough to share my anxiety about “not doing”
“Trapped, Glued, Cling, Linger, Stationary, Parked, Motionless”
Let me add,
Not hungry, Not sleepy, Not horny, Neither cold nor hot, Not wanting friends, Not craving conversations, Not needing fame, Not seeking improvement
Bottom line: Exiting Maslow’s Pyramid
Do you know who has all of the above qualities?

A dead man (Do you want me to use man/woman/them? Fuck off )

I don’t want to be desireless
I desire to read the next One Piece chapter
I desire to see Kohli and Shreyas make a 200 run partnership today
I desire to love a girl passionately
I feel romantic when I indulge in cinema, literature, music, technology
I desire conversations both shallow and deep
I desire to tell every kid that the world doesn’t care about meritocracy
and
I desire to create. I have always desired to conjure worlds

Why am I stuck then? Am I not desiring it enough?

Scratch that.